You are currently viewing UNFILTERED: Courageous Conversations about Being an Introvert in an Extroverted Workplace

UNFILTERED: Courageous Conversations about Being an Introvert in an Extroverted Workplace

What if the quietest voice in the room held the most valuable insight?  

In our next episode of the UNFILTERED Series, Daphna and I explore what it really means to be an introvert in an extroverted workplace. We uncover how introversion is defined by energy, not shyness, and why so many workplaces miss out on the best thinking when only the fastest talkers are heard.  

Together we highlight practical ways to design meetings and team environments that invite thoughtful contributions, protect energy, and celebrate differences. Daphna shows how introverts can lean into natural strengths like observation, focus, and 1:1 influence, while extroverted leaders can take responsibility for guiding the process, so every voice is valued.  

The result is a powerful reminder that leadership is not about volume, yet about creating space for authentic impact. 

Listen in to: 

  • Redefine Introversion 
  • Design Better Meetings 
  • Discover ways to make space for processing  
  • Lead inclusively as an Extrovert 
  • Play the introversion/extroversion continuum 

 

Connect with Your Co-Hosts 

Daphna Horowitz 

www.daphnahorowitz.com  

https://www.linkedin.com/in/daphnahorowitz/  

https://www.facebook.com/PEACSolutions  

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/leadership-live/id1524072573  

 

Amy L. Riley 

http://www.courageofaleader.com  

https://www.linkedin.com/in/amyshoopriley  

 

Thanks for listening! 

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. 

Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! 

Subscribe to the podcast 

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app. 

Leave us an Apple Podcasts review 

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.  

Transcript
Amy Riley:

Welcome to our podcast series UNFILTERED. This

Amy Riley:

is where we have courageous conversations about topics that

Amy Riley:

are not always discussed in the mainstream or in the workplace.

Daphna Horowitz:

Here we stripaway the polished surface

Daphna Horowitz:

and dive into the raw, messy and deeply human topics that we

Daphna Horowitz:

don't think it talked about often enough.

Amy Riley:

We are your unfiltered hosts. I'm Amy from

Amy Riley:

the Courage of a Leader podcast,

Daphna Horowitz:

and I'm Daphna from Leadership Live podcast

Daphna Horowitz:

with two coaches from two sides of the world who believe that

Daphna Horowitz:

real growth happens in the uncomfortable, unspoken moments

Amy Riley:

from Workplace trauma to dealing with major life

Amy Riley:

changes and taboo topics like grief, imposter syndrome and

Amy Riley:

menopause, this is the space where nothing is off limits.

Daphna Horowitz:

So if you're ready for honest, bold and

Daphna Horowitz:

sometimes messy conversations, let's get into it. You don't

Daphna Horowitz:

have to be the loudest in the room to be a powerful leader.

Amy Riley:

Today, we are talking about introverts, sometimes

Amy Riley:

misunderstood, sometimes underestimated and often

Amy Riley:

overlooked.

Daphna Horowitz:

Wheel best myths. Share our own experiences

Daphna Horowitz:

and dive into why being quiet might just be your greatest

Daphna Horowitz:

strength.

Amy Riley:

I love it. Let's get unfiltered about being an

Amy Riley:

introvert. Let's do it so damn know, we said first that we

Amy Riley:

wanted to define what we mean by introversion and extroversion

Daphna Horowitz:

absolutely, yeah, and I think it's not what

Daphna Horowitz:

people typically think. So I think that's a very important

Daphna Horowitz:

thing. The definition Do you want to go ahead,

Amy Riley:

yes, and please add so it's a continuum, highly

Amy Riley:

extroverted on one side, a preference for highly

Amy Riley:

introverted on the other side. So we do also want to clarify

Amy Riley:

that it's a preference for how we process and how we gain our

Amy Riley:

energy, though, if we say someone has a preference for

Amy Riley:

introversion, it doesn't mean that they're not gregarious,

Amy Riley:

that they can't be social, right? It's how they get and

Amy Riley:

refuel their energy. So someone with a preference for

Amy Riley:

extroversion, processing their thoughts out loud and being

Amy Riley:

comfortable doing that and gain energy when they are in social

Amy Riley:

situations and around other people and building off each

Amy Riley:

other's ideas. Whereas an introvert, will you say this

Amy Riley:

side?

Daphna Horowitz:

Daphna, yeah, so the introvert, and for me,

Daphna Horowitz:

the really good distinction that I often use with people who not

Daphna Horowitz:

show a way to place themselves or where they think it's

Daphna Horowitz:

obviously one thing, but not another, is, where do you get

Daphna Horowitz:

energy when you feel drained? So the introvert will get energy,

Daphna Horowitz:

but being alone and having quiet time and absorbing some of the

Daphna Horowitz:

social or the things that drain them, absorbing it into their

Daphna Horowitz:

center, their core, and allowing it to be processed and calmed

Daphna Horowitz:

down. So I often say to people at the end of a very busy work

Daphna Horowitz:

day, you've had meetings, you've presented, you've worked with

Daphna Horowitz:

your team, you've done a whole lot of things. You're tired

Daphna Horowitz:

because we get tired. What do you want to do? Then, if you're

Daphna Horowitz:

getting battered, to a party, do you think? Yes, that's going to

Daphna Horowitz:

restore my energy. I'm going to be, you know, fully alive and

Daphna Horowitz:

funny. Let me be social, yeah, and going. And that's going to

Daphna Horowitz:

give me a high and a nerf. Or do you go, Oh my gosh, that is the

Daphna Horowitz:

worst thing I can think of doing right now. I just need to go

Daphna Horowitz:

home, lie down, have some quiet time and regroup. And that's the

Daphna Horowitz:

difference. The main difference kind of an added anecdote for

Daphna Horowitz:

really looking at if you're an extrovert, you'll go to the

Daphna Horowitz:

party and feel on a high afterwards. If you're an

Daphna Horowitz:

introvert, you'll go home, quiet dinner, quiet time, maybe

Daphna Horowitz:

connecting with family, small, intimate, and then you'll feel

Daphna Horowitz:

replenished.

Amy Riley:

Yes, and of course, this is a continuum, and

Daphna Horowitz:

this is a continuum Absolutely, let's not

Daphna Horowitz:

forget that, yeah,

Amy Riley:

and you might be someone that resonated with some

Amy Riley:

of the things that we said about people that are on the

Amy Riley:

extroverted side of the continuum, and some of the

Amy Riley:

things that we said about the introverted side, right? And

Amy Riley:

you, and it's situational, you might find yourself in different

Amy Riley:

places, yeah, depending on the day, the week, the month, the

Amy Riley:

year,

Daphna Horowitz:

exactly are exactly. Yeah. And I do want to

Daphna Horowitz:

add there that people are often surprised, because maybe here's

Daphna Horowitz:

a time for us to share. What do we think we are? But people are

Daphna Horowitz:

often surprised because they take me for a full on extrovert,

Daphna Horowitz:

because I talk fast. I've got a lot of energy, a lot of passion.

Daphna Horowitz:

I love being front of room. I do enjoy going to parties, but the

Daphna Horowitz:

truth is that I'm a what do you call it? Lacher, a moth? Thora,

Daphna Horowitz:

I'm really an introvert inside, because when I've had too much

Daphna Horowitz:

of that interaction, that really does feed me and give me energy

Daphna Horowitz:

I need. I absolutely need that downtime. I need the downtime to

Daphna Horowitz:

just go, gather my thoughts, gather myself, my space, and

Daphna Horowitz:

just be on my own for a little bit. So that's I would say I'm

Daphna Horowitz:

tending to the introvert side. And let's also define the

Daphna Horowitz:

ambivert, which can be both. So I do know that I have ambivert

Daphna Horowitz:

qualities, let's just say, because I can do both. But

Daphna Horowitz:

tending to introvert, how about you?

Amy Riley:

I am extremely extroverted, and of course,

Amy Riley:

there are times when I have introverted behaviors and

Amy Riley:

preferences, right, depending on how the day the week went, but

Amy Riley:

yes, highly extroverted. So this leaves us as two people who I

Amy Riley:

think are perfect to have this unfiltered conversation about

Amy Riley:

what happens when we're all mixed together in a workplace

Amy Riley:

acted to have synchronous and asynchronous collaboration, and

Amy Riley:

how does that all unfold? One more

Daphna Horowitz:

types of people, yeah, with different

Daphna Horowitz:

types of people, and reminding of the continuum on different

Daphna Horowitz:

levels of the continuum at different times, in different

Daphna Horowitz:

situations. I think that's really just good for awareness,

Amy Riley:

exactly, exactly. Also, we're going to use some

Amy Riley:

shorthand. In this case. We're going to say extroverts and

Amy Riley:

introverts when we mean people with a preference for

Amy Riley:

extroversion, or folks with a preference for introversion.

Amy Riley:

We're not going to say that whole phrase every time, so

Amy Riley:

we're going to shorthand. And many people do in mainstream

Amy Riley:

conversations talk about introverts and extroverts, but

Amy Riley:

please, we want to everyone to know that it is actually a

Amy Riley:

continuum that we all live on day to day. And I'd like to

Daphna Horowitz:

just pause there for a moment and just say,

Daphna Horowitz:

why is this conversation important? Conversation

Daphna Horowitz:

important? Why is it important to talk about it? Okay, okay, so

Daphna Horowitz:

there's different preferences, different personality, styles

Daphna Horowitz:

and approaches. Why is it important for us in the

Daphna Horowitz:

workplace?

Amy Riley:

Yes, as I think, and I can get on my soapbox about

Amy Riley:

this stamp, I mean, I think so many meetings and interactions

Amy Riley:

are set up for the extroverts, and we are missing the best

Amy Riley:

thinking from our introverts, right? They're still processing

Amy Riley:

and putting together the brilliant idea in their heads,

Amy Riley:

and the conversation has already

Daphna Horowitz:

run away, and I think that's yeah, such, such an

Daphna Horowitz:

important thing to to really talk about, because extroverts

Daphna Horowitz:

process their thinking out loud. Actually, they it's not that

Daphna Horowitz:

they've formulated their ideas and thoughts and suggestions and

Daphna Horowitz:

then spoke about them. They're actually thinking as they're

Daphna Horowitz:

speaking. That's their particular skill. You know, they

Daphna Horowitz:

can do that, whereas introverts have to process the whole thing

Daphna Horowitz:

first and then think about it, and then they will have

Daphna Horowitz:

something to say that is adding to and you're adding value to

Daphna Horowitz:

the conversation. But if the extrovert and the introvert are

Daphna Horowitz:

in the room, the extrovert is going to think loud and think,

Daphna Horowitz:

think, think, and come to their conclusion while the introvert

Daphna Horowitz:

is still processing. And then, as you said, the conversation

Daphna Horowitz:

can run away, because the extrovert thinks, Okay, we've

Daphna Horowitz:

discussed it. We've got an outcome, and the introvert

Daphna Horowitz:

hasn't said one thing yet. So for me, the extrovert really has

Daphna Horowitz:

to be aware of this to make space for the introvert to say,

Daphna Horowitz:

what do you think you know? What's coming up for you? What

Daphna Horowitz:

are the thoughts you're having in the moment? The introvert

Daphna Horowitz:

needs to understand that they can speak, even if they haven't

Daphna Horowitz:

processed the whole thing

Amy Riley:

as friends, yes, and it could be okay to have a

Amy Riley:

couple of

Daphna Horowitz:

minutes of silence. Yes, extrovert, hate

Daphna Horowitz:

that, right?

Amy Riley:

Get here, get me, get me another assignment during

Amy Riley:

that time, right? Right? Yeah, for people to gather their

Amy Riley:

thoughts, right? Start writing it down. That would be a way

Amy Riley:

that everyone on the continuum could participate. And Daphna, I

Amy Riley:

know we've got leaders coming to us who are saying, I'm not

Amy Riley:

having the level of engagement that I want

Daphna Horowitz:

exactly major complaint. Major complaint. Just

Daphna Horowitz:

last week, I was working with two founders of an organization,

Daphna Horowitz:

and they were saying exactly that to me, and they were

Daphna Horowitz:

saying, but we don't think it's our place to, you know, when

Daphna Horowitz:

we're having a team meeting, the team has just speak up. They

Daphna Horowitz:

actually said, it's not our place ask them for their input.

Daphna Horowitz:

We don't need to ask for it. They should just classic to

Daphna Horowitz:

extrovert. See, I was leading this company. We're. Some

Daphna Horowitz:

introverted people in their team, and they're waiting for

Daphna Horowitz:

them to speak up. But the introverts sometimes need that

Daphna Horowitz:

invitation, that moment of silence, to really kind of be

Daphna Horowitz:

invited into the space and feel that they're invited into the

Daphna Horowitz:

space to give their contribution.

Amy Riley:

Yes, I'm wanting to go into some of our advice for

Amy Riley:

lead. I know

Daphna Horowitz:

in this we look at the struggles first. Okay,

Daphna Horowitz:

how do you know you're an introvert? Statement, so we've

Daphna Horowitz:

got some app one, maybe, let's, let's go there. You know, you

Daphna Horowitz:

know you're an introvert, if, and we've got, we came up with

Daphna Horowitz:

some good ones that I think will help people recognize the

Daphna Horowitz:

introverted side of themselves. So do you want

Amy Riley:

to go first you as our introvert? Daphna, will you

Amy Riley:

start and say some of these statements that strongly

Amy Riley:

resonate with you?

Daphna Horowitz:

Okay, so I want to start with the fact that you

Daphna Horowitz:

actually feel genuine joy sometimes when someone takes to

Daphna Horowitz:

can we reschedule our plans, and this is often relating to social

Daphna Horowitz:

plans, right? So, you know, you see the can we reschedule down?

Daphna Horowitz:

Someone will go, probably, oh, how can they let me down last

Daphna Horowitz:

minute this and I'm going, like, what a relief I get to have an

Daphna Horowitz:

evening at home. I don't have to get all dressed up. I can just

Daphna Horowitz:

relax, read my book and regroup. And I think that that's

Daphna Horowitz:

something that a lot of introverts feel. Yep, even

Daphna Horowitz:

though we appreciate social interactions, we love our social

Daphna Horowitz:

engagements, but sometimes it's actually okay. We've been given

Daphna Horowitz:

a gift that's I've been given, given a gift a night off. Yes,

Daphna Horowitz:

yes. How about you?

Amy Riley:

Oh, one that I am responding to is your idea of a

Amy Riley:

wild Friday night is staying home and not talking to anyone

Amy Riley:

on purpose, right? And for me, that's especially if it's been a

Amy Riley:

full week, it's been busy, right? My brain has been going

Amy Riley:

in different directions. I have gathered that energy and used it

Amy Riley:

up right in its energy this time for a refuel. I love

Daphna Horowitz:

what you're saying there, because I think it

Daphna Horowitz:

relates to our continuum idea where maybe everybody has a

Daphna Horowitz:

certain bucket of energy that once it's used up, you need to

Daphna Horowitz:

go to that introverted end of the scale to regroup. Just find

Daphna Horowitz:

yourself quiet, moment and regroup and and it's true that

Daphna Horowitz:

that level of energy is just at different levels for different

Daphna Horowitz:

people, and as we said, in different situations, so when

Daphna Horowitz:

it's used up, we need to regroup.

Amy Riley:

Yeah, and given what is going on in our world right

Amy Riley:

now, our climate, our politics, our wars, it's calling for a lot

Amy Riley:

of resilience and energy. There's a lot to process and

Amy Riley:

think and feel these days, it's just dawning on me that that

Amy Riley:

might be pushing us all towards the introverted side of the

Amy Riley:

scale in terms of needing that time to regroup, refuel, refuel,

Daphna Horowitz:

yeah, and that everyone can gain from that. I

Daphna Horowitz:

know that when I work with my extroverted clients, I guess

Daphna Horowitz:

even the coaching session is that moment to pause, slow down

Daphna Horowitz:

all the activity that's going on around you, and just give

Daphna Horowitz:

yourself a moment to reflect and think about what you're doing,

Daphna Horowitz:

and that is something that is beneficial to everyone, and

Daphna Horowitz:

especially what you're highlighting in our slightly

Daphna Horowitz:

chaotic world as it stands at the moment,

Amy Riley:

yeah, it's, it's making me think of time for

Amy Riley:

three things just popped into my head, the reflection, like you

Amy Riley:

were saying, the refueling. What do we all do to refuel? Right?

Amy Riley:

Is it take a pottery class? Is it a walk in nature? Is it a

Amy Riley:

call with a friend? Right? Like a light form of interaction,

Amy Riley:

like what refueled you? And then I just think right now, like we

Amy Riley:

all need more planning time, right? In ways that work for us?

Daphna Horowitz:

Yes, so you're saying reflection in terms of

Daphna Horowitz:

just looking at the past and saying, What am I learning?

Daphna Horowitz:

How's it connecting with me? What I want to take from this.

Daphna Horowitz:

And then there is that other it could be even a different kind

Daphna Horowitz:

of reflection, where we actually planning. You're actually

Daphna Horowitz:

thinking about what you want to do and taking some time to plan

Daphna Horowitz:

it, instead of always having to respond in the moment, in the

Daphna Horowitz:

moment. Yes, I just want to do one more, one more, because I

Daphna Horowitz:

love to be an introverted and this is one I really relate to,

Daphna Horowitz:

okay, and I know, I know some of my introverted friends also do.

Daphna Horowitz:

I've done this. I'm guilty. I think I know which one you're

Daphna Horowitz:

gonna say. I've hidden in a bathroom stall at a party just

Daphna Horowitz:

to regroup, just to maybe scroll through some memes or something,

Daphna Horowitz:

just to get my energy. Back before I go back into the room

Daphna Horowitz:

and start to engage again. And I know that I've done this, and

Daphna Horowitz:

especially also at networking events or conferences, where, I

Daphna Horowitz:

think, for introverts, the energy that it takes to interact

Daphna Horowitz:

with people that you don't know as well. I think when it's a

Daphna Horowitz:

party or a group with people that you know and they're your

Daphna Horowitz:

friends and you appreciate, you can really, you know, go well

Daphna Horowitz:

with that again on the continuum, but when it's people

Daphna Horowitz:

you don't know, requires even more energy, so that hiding in

Daphna Horowitz:

the bathroom I'm guilty of. And I wonder if any of our listeners

Daphna Horowitz:

are guilty as well and can relate to that.

Amy Riley:

I'm so glad that we're sharing a few of these.

Amy Riley:

You might be an introvert, if so that folks don't feel alone,

Amy Riley:

because I mean in those moments, and let me tell you, like as an

Amy Riley:

extrovert, when I've needed things like that, like now I

Amy Riley:

need to hide in the bathroom because I'm overwhelmed, there's

Amy Riley:

been just like certain times in life when I've needed that, it

Amy Riley:

has felt wrong or shameful or embarrassing, like what it what

Amy Riley:

is going on with me as a human being that I need this moment to

Amy Riley:

regroup so as long as double click here and be like, you

Amy Riley:

know, I think often introverts, or when we're on That

Amy Riley:

introverted side of the scale, we can place judgment or a

Amy Riley:

negative label or interpretation on that, and I want to say,

Amy Riley:

humans, humans, let's not do that

Daphna Horowitz:

elaborate taking this because I think here

Daphna Horowitz:

we're going, we are really double clicking on, why is it

Daphna Horowitz:

hard? Why is it a struggle? And I think what you're highlighting

Daphna Horowitz:

there is our own judgment about ourselves and what behaviors are

Daphna Horowitz:

okay or not. Okay? Is something wrong with me if I choose to

Daphna Horowitz:

hide in the bathroom? Is something wrong with me if the

Daphna Horowitz:

doorbell rings and I don't feel like answering it, or if I don't

Daphna Horowitz:

feel like having a long phone call at the moment, just don't

Daphna Horowitz:

have the energy for it. And the second thing around that is

Daphna Horowitz:

sometimes the judgment and the conversation around

Daphna Horowitz:

introversion, extroversion makes introverts feel like

Daphna Horowitz:

introversion is a flaw rather than a superpower, which it

Daphna Horowitz:

really, really is and can be. But the kind of languaging and

Daphna Horowitz:

the world around us speaks about being an introvert, like it's

Daphna Horowitz:

something that needs to be fixed. So introverts get this

Daphna Horowitz:

message from both sides, like themselves, like what's wrong

Daphna Horowitz:

with me, and also the outside world of well, if you're an

Daphna Horowitz:

introvert, we'll just put in more effort, or give it more

Daphna Horowitz:

energy, or just make the effort and go out there, or go to the

Daphna Horowitz:

meeting or

Amy Riley:

present, share your ideas. Happy, your

Daphna Horowitz:

ideas Exactly, exactly. I think that's a real,

Daphna Horowitz:

really important point about the struggle.

Amy Riley:

Yes, definitely. I've had so many coaches that I've

Amy Riley:

worked with that are introverts that, you know, they come and

Amy Riley:

they're like, how do I get myself to say the thing during

Amy Riley:

the meeting,

Daphna Horowitz:

exactly right by how do I

Amy Riley:

they feel like they have to change to fit the

Amy Riley:

situation?

Daphna Horowitz:

It's true, and I think, and we are going to get

Daphna Horowitz:

to the practical advice and tips, right, so we will touch on

Daphna Horowitz:

that. But I also think that the next level of what the

Daphna Horowitz:

consequence of that is that they often feel like they're

Daphna Horowitz:

overlooked, and they possibly are, and they possibly are

Daphna Horowitz:

because they are not showing up enough. I think one thing that I

Daphna Horowitz:

also talk about is doing your own PR work, within your

Daphna Horowitz:

business, within your organization, because if you're

Daphna Horowitz:

not going to be talking about what you're doing and your

Daphna Horowitz:

successes, and not in an arrogant way, look at me, but

Daphna Horowitz:

more in a actually informing people and letting people know

Daphna Horowitz:

of your involvement in your contribution, people are not

Daphna Horowitz:

going to know. And that can lead to being overlooked, being

Daphna Horowitz:

underestimated, undervalued, and that does have serious

Daphna Horowitz:

consequences for emotions and advancement.

Amy Riley:

Yeah, really fear that the concerns of the

Amy Riley:

introverts are very real, right? Like, not only if I don't speak

Amy Riley:

up in these meetings, not only am I not going to get visibility

Amy Riley:

and get thought of for this opportunity or this next

Amy Riley:

promotion, like, I'm going to get forgotten, right? I'm not

Amy Riley:

seen, I'm not heard, I'm not noticed, and

Daphna Horowitz:

I'm going to add to that, and you are, you

Daphna Horowitz:

are going to be forgotten. That's what I want to say. And

Daphna Horowitz:

maybe that's the hard part, you know? Maybe that's the tough

Daphna Horowitz:

conversation here that we are having at the moment, is that

Daphna Horowitz:

organizational culture is often 100% of the cases. I think there

Daphna Horowitz:

are mechanisms you can put in at work, and maybe that's leaders

Daphna Horowitz:

responsibility, and they need to look at how they do that to

Daphna Horowitz:

really notice your more quiet employees, to make sure that you

Daphna Horowitz:

look. At value add, rather than at loudest voices. But at the

Daphna Horowitz:

same time, I think it's for introverts to take

Daphna Horowitz:

responsibility for how they're seen and make sure that they

Daphna Horowitz:

understand that if they don't do things, and again, I'm going to

Daphna Horowitz:

say you can do it in a way that works for you. It doesn't have

Daphna Horowitz:

to be loud and proud and uncomfortable. You are going to

Daphna Horowitz:

be overlooked. You are going to be forgotten if you do not speak

Daphna Horowitz:

up. And the answer you need to do,

Amy Riley:

yeah, yeah. And we're not saying that's right. No, we

Amy Riley:

know, like we want the opposite of that, but that is often what

Amy Riley:

is

Daphna Horowitz:

so yeah, yeah. And I think, and here we're

Daphna Horowitz:

talking to both sides, both sides taking responsibility as

Daphna Horowitz:

an organizational entity, as a leader of an organizational

Daphna Horowitz:

entity. How can you make sure that you really are being fair

Daphna Horowitz:

in how you evaluate your people and don't just go for the

Daphna Horowitz:

obvious kind of indicators? Yeah, and for the people that

Daphna Horowitz:

we're talking about, the introverts themselves, how do

Daphna Horowitz:

you make sure that you really step up with your superpowers?

Daphna Horowitz:

And I know I've been talking about superpowers, I've been

Daphna Horowitz:

mentioning it, but we haven't actually said what are they?

Daphna Horowitz:

What? Okay, but

Amy Riley:

let's go to the superpowers for the introverts,

Amy Riley:

and then let's talk advice for Yeah, excellent superpowers of

Amy Riley:

the introverts.

Daphna Horowitz:

Yes, yes, okay, my number one is observational

Daphna Horowitz:

skills. They are able to step back and really read the room

Daphna Horowitz:

very well. The extroverts are so busy processing their thoughts,

Daphna Horowitz:

their plans, and you know, that kind of very self process, self

Daphna Horowitz:

oriented process, whereas the introverts are listening,

Daphna Horowitz:

processing and noticing what's going on the room. So they are

Daphna Horowitz:

very good observers. They are very good listeners as

Amy Riley:

well, and they can take all that content that the

Amy Riley:

extroverts are immediately espousing and pull all that

Amy Riley:

together and be thoughtful and construct Right? Like add on to

Amy Riley:

and synthesize what's being shared.

Daphna Horowitz:

Exactly that is being intentional with your

Daphna Horowitz:

communication. You're not just gonna say something because you

Daphna Horowitz:

want your voice to be heard. You are gonna say something when you

Daphna Horowitz:

have something really valuable to contribute. So your

Daphna Horowitz:

communication is very intentional.

Amy Riley:

It often comes with some great analytical, yeah,

Amy Riley:

yeah, yeah. And thinking and focus, yeah, that ability to

Amy Riley:

focus and dive deep, dive into exactly matter, exactly, yeah,

Amy Riley:

and stay there and stay there for some

Daphna Horowitz:

time, exactly, keep the conversation on track,

Daphna Horowitz:

keep the goal in mind, and keep working towards that. Yes, I

Daphna Horowitz:

think also, another thing that's coming up for me is the power of

Daphna Horowitz:

the one on one relationships with introverts. You know, I

Daphna Horowitz:

think that there's energy that's required there that's different

Daphna Horowitz:

to the the group interaction, energy and introverts tend to be

Daphna Horowitz:

better at that.

Amy Riley:

Yeah, yeah. Big about that power, if you've got those

Amy Riley:

one on one relationships with the key influencers in different

Amy Riley:

functional areas inside of your organization or your industry,

Amy Riley:

then the power when you do bring an idea forward, you've got the

Amy Riley:

folks that are going to listen.

Daphna Horowitz:

It's very true. It's very true. That makes me

Daphna Horowitz:

think also of level of expertise introverts, because of their

Daphna Horowitz:

focus and their analytic often, and we generalizing here again,

Daphna Horowitz:

just a quick reminder, the folks and the continue, they're

Daphna Horowitz:

generally seen, seen as the experts. So people really vet.

Daphna Horowitz:

They have a lot of credibility. People value their input because

Daphna Horowitz:

of the level of expertise that they tend to have.

Amy Riley:

Yes, absolutely. Just a quick anecdote that jumped

Amy Riley:

into my head as the opposite of introversion. Daphna, I am the

Amy Riley:

worst training participant, like when I'm like, as an extrovert,

Amy Riley:

sitting there in the room, like absorbing the information, like

Amy Riley:

either like trying to take it all in and not being able to

Amy Riley:

facilitate or say the things or be out loud. Oh, I sit there,

Amy Riley:

and I would label it as impatience, but it's that desire

Amy Riley:

for the interaction

Daphna Horowitz:

isn't that interesting, because I think

Daphna Horowitz:

about also, you know, when you have a group process, or even in

Daphna Horowitz:

a coaching session, one on one, and at the end of the session,

Daphna Horowitz:

we go, what is your takeaway from the session? I don't know

Daphna Horowitz:

if you ask that. I'm sure you have some kind of question that

Daphna Horowitz:

you ask at the end. And often I have my introverts who will say

Daphna Horowitz:

to me, hold on. We've just had those comments. I can't answer

Daphna Horowitz:

that now. I've had that happen with extreme introverts. It's

Daphna Horowitz:

like, wait, I need to process. We discussed a lot of stuff, and

Daphna Horowitz:

I need to really think, and I need to absorb it. And then

Daphna Horowitz:

after you ask me. Next time, what I took away, Yes, last

Daphna Horowitz:

time, conversation. So that's also just a very interesting and

Daphna Horowitz:

a killing and

Amy Riley:

I can relate to that, because after a day of

Amy Riley:

facilitation, let's just say, with a global group of leaders,

Amy Riley:

there's a lot going on. I might have a co facilitator. Often,

Amy Riley:

I've had that CO facilitator ask me at the end of the end of the

Amy Riley:

day, what do you think about this? What do you think about

Amy Riley:

this? Who do you think are most engaged participants? Who do you

Amy Riley:

think this? And I have been so out there with people like

Amy Riley:

present in the moment, doing the things, reacting to things in

Amy Riley:

the moment, that actually, then I feel like I can't answer that

Amy Riley:

question. I need to, I need some time to process.

Daphna Horowitz:

You know, what I'm loving about this

Daphna Horowitz:

conversation is that I'm really realizing how now, as we've been

Daphna Horowitz:

talking introverts extroverts, the power of both and what it

Daphna Horowitz:

really means. What's coming up for me is how both can get value

Daphna Horowitz:

from, first of all, seeing the other, but also practicing some

Daphna Horowitz:

of the skills of the other, you know, of the other side. So

Daphna Horowitz:

something that's coming out for me is really play along that

Daphna Horowitz:

continuum place yourself on in any given moment and say, Would

Daphna Horowitz:

it be valuable? Would it serve me, or the situation or the

Daphna Horowitz:

process, to step a little bit to either side and see how I can

Daphna Horowitz:

just train my muscles, my brain muscle, to do something a little

Daphna Horowitz:

bit different.

Amy Riley:

I love it. And you know, Daphna, in preparing for

Amy Riley:

this conversation, this conversation can often go in the

Amy Riley:

direction of what introverts need to do differently to fit

Amy Riley:

into this construct that we have going on in the workplace. And I

Amy Riley:

was looking as an extrovert, what can we do? And lots of

Amy Riley:

times, we're the first ones out there with content. Here are my

Amy Riley:

ideas for this challenge or this opportunity or this problem. We

Amy Riley:

could also be the first ones out there to talk about the process.

Amy Riley:

How is our conversation going? Who's quiet in this moment? Who

Amy Riley:

do we need to hear from? How could we make some constructs so

Amy Riley:

that we have a shared document that gets added to before,

Amy Riley:

during and after the meeting, and be the first ones out there

Amy Riley:

with information about process and how we manage our energy,

Amy Riley:

right? If I start to talk about my energy and what refuels me

Amy Riley:

and how I manage it, right, that can open up a conversation for

Amy Riley:

the full team to talk about what works for them, to co create

Amy Riley:

norms and ways of operating that actually work for everybody.

Daphna Horowitz:

I love that. I love what you're saying, and I

Daphna Horowitz:

want to even make it more practical, and to say you spoke

Daphna Horowitz:

about process, speaking to the process, and not just the

Daphna Horowitz:

content. And I think firstly, things like agendas for a

Daphna Horowitz:

meeting. I know a lot of people can go without agendas for a

Daphna Horowitz:

meeting, and they go, what do we need an agenda for? I know

Daphna Horowitz:

exactly what I'm exactly what I'm going to talk about, and

Daphna Horowitz:

I'll leave the conversation. It will be mine. But if you've got

Daphna Horowitz:

introverts in the room, that agenda will help them get their

Daphna Horowitz:

mind set or the frame around it so that they can start thinking

Daphna Horowitz:

ahead of time. Oh, what are my thoughts about it? And then

Daphna Horowitz:

actually come ready to contribute, things like inviting

Daphna Horowitz:

people, everyone in the room, doing around, if you

Daphna Horowitz:

brainstorming ideas, do around so that everybody and around

Daphna Horowitz:

means asking everybody around the table to contribute their

Daphna Horowitz:

thoughts and inviting them into the space. Yeah, and sure,

Daphna Horowitz:

there's more, you know? Yeah.

Amy Riley:

Well, these are all. These are ideas for leaders as

Amy Riley:

well. Right? Use agenda, exactly. Use collaboration,

Amy Riley:

documents, tools, processes that folks before, during, after the

Amy Riley:

meeting. So if that person with a preference for introversion

Amy Riley:

puts together their thinking and it's two days later, they've got

Amy Riley:

a place to immediately add exactly that I 100%

Daphna Horowitz:

and I love I love that because it also

Daphna Horowitz:

sparked a thought for me, a piece of advice that I gave one

Daphna Horowitz:

of my extroverted leaders, who we speaking about agendas and

Daphna Horowitz:

how to run meetings in a way that everybody can contribute

Daphna Horowitz:

and and add value and unfair. Something about agendas, and he

Daphna Horowitz:

goes, No, for my team meeting, I don't do agendas for the clients

Daphna Horowitz:

and this and this. I do agendas, but not for the so I said, Why

Daphna Horowitz:

not do it for the team? That's where you feel you're not

Daphna Horowitz:

getting the same level of productivity and effectiveness.

Daphna Horowitz:

So he said, but I don't want to sit and do that. And I said,

Daphna Horowitz:

give it to one of your you don't have to do it yourself, give it

Daphna Horowitz:

to one of the team members to own that part of the process. So

Daphna Horowitz:

you can also delegate it if they're things you don't want to

Daphna Horowitz:

do, but you know will serve the process. Find the right person

Daphna Horowitz:

to do that.

Amy Riley:

Love it. Love it. Leader. We also spoke

Daphna Horowitz:

about energy. You did bring up the point of

Daphna Horowitz:

energy. And I also wanted to bring it into more practice.

Daphna Horowitz:

Call terms of, how do we really look at that and and bring

Daphna Horowitz:

different people's energies into the room? I don't know if

Daphna Horowitz:

something's coming up for that for you around there.

Amy Riley:

So, so an extrovert might want to have working

Amy Riley:

meetings, right? Like, let's talk this through. Let's do this

Amy Riley:

side by side. Let's, you know, have input and build on each

Amy Riley:

other's ideas. Introverts might want to make sure that they've

Amy Riley:

got time in their calendar for deep thinking, right for focused

Amy Riley:

time for refueling their energy, making sure that there, there is

Amy Riley:

a a lunch break or an afternoon solitary walk,

Daphna Horowitz:

exactly. And I'm thinking that even in long

Daphna Horowitz:

board meetings or conferences, make sure that there are breaks.

Daphna Horowitz:

Make sure that there are enough breaks for people to go and just

Daphna Horowitz:

have that quiet time cup of coffee, whatever it is, and then

Daphna Horowitz:

come back into the so. So schedule regular breaks for the

Daphna Horowitz:

people who need them,

Amy Riley:

and they're longer than you think that they need to

Amy Riley:

be. I mean, we are always trying to cram so much information into

Amy Riley:

that precious in person time. But yeah, don't leave your

Amy Riley:

introverts absolutely exhausted by the end of it

Daphna Horowitz:

exactly, exactly, nice, wow.

Amy Riley:

Don't confuse silence with disengagement. Yes.

Daphna Horowitz:

In fact, allow spaces for silence. Yes, yes. Do

Daphna Horowitz:

your best thinking and most creative ideas come up when

Daphna Horowitz:

there's opportunities for silence.

Amy Riley:

Allow multiple modes of contribution, right? So it

Amy Riley:

might be that silent individual thinking. Now talk it through

Amy Riley:

with a partner, right? Now, let's talk it through in small

Amy Riley:

groups or talk it as a full group. I mean, we have these

Amy Riley:

virtual collaboration, video conferencing tools, right? And

Amy Riley:

we don't use all of the features,

Daphna Horowitz:

learn how to use them, learn how to use them

Daphna Horowitz:

well, so that you can get the level of engagement that you

Daphna Horowitz:

want absolutely.

Amy Riley:

Yeah. And if you have some introverts on your team and

Amy Riley:

you want to get people talking, throw them just in paired

Amy Riley:

breakouts, right? What are your ideas? Take five minutes talk

Amy Riley:

this through. Or, like we said, have the silent time, play with

Amy Riley:

different modes of processing information, generating ideas.

Amy Riley:

Be clear on what this part of the meeting or the conversation

Amy Riley:

is about.

Daphna Horowitz:

Yeah, absolutely, yeah. And I'm

Daphna Horowitz:

thinking about, I know that, and I guess there's something in

Daphna Horowitz:

here for the extroverts and the introverts, but I know that the

Daphna Horowitz:

introverts really, really appreciate and crave getting to

Daphna Horowitz:

the point. So something around that being aware of when the

Daphna Horowitz:

conversation has now digressed and it's not coming to the point

Daphna Horowitz:

that you want to. So both sides are other. The introverts use

Daphna Horowitz:

your focus skills and listening skills to really get to the

Daphna Horowitz:

essence on the of the conversation, and the extroverts

Daphna Horowitz:

encourage the thinking and the expansion of thinking while

Daphna Horowitz:

being aware that it might tire some of your team members out,

Daphna Horowitz:

or, you know, people that you're talking to?

Amy Riley:

Yes, do we wrap with some reflection questions? Yes,

Amy Riley:

I think that's a great idea. Yes. And this is for ties that

Amy Riley:

we find ourselves on the introversion side of the

Amy Riley:

continuum is, I guess

Daphna Horowitz:

this is, I guess this episode is about

Daphna Horowitz:

being an introvert, while for the extroverts, actually also

Daphna Horowitz:

being aware of what it means to be an introvert and how they can

Daphna Horowitz:

contribute to create kind of a more holistic workspace.

Amy Riley:

Let's go through these. Daphna, do you ever feel

Amy Riley:

pressured to perform

Daphna Horowitz:

extra vision? I think that's a great question.

Daphna Horowitz:

Here's one, how do you recharge after intense people time?

Amy Riley:

What introvert trait has secretly helped you the most

Amy Riley:

in leadership or business?

Daphna Horowitz:

Lovely, lovely. And I think also think about if

Daphna Horowitz:

you've ever been underestimated because you were quieter. And I

Amy Riley:

think this last one is for everyone. How do you

Amy Riley:

protect your energy?

Daphna Horowitz:

Yes, I think that is actually for everyone,

Daphna Horowitz:

extroverts and introverts. Protecting energy is your energy

Daphna Horowitz:

is a really important resource, and you want to be able to

Daphna Horowitz:

protect it really important.

Amy Riley:

This is work that everyone needs to do. Leaders,

Amy Riley:

introverts, extroverts, these are challenging times. We've got

Amy Riley:

challenging problems on our plate. Plates. We've got

Amy Riley:

interesting opportunities on our plates. We need everybody's best

Amy Riley:

thinking to make this happen. So how do we work with our

Amy Riley:

different preferences to get everybody's best thinking in the

Amy Riley:

space Exactly?

Daphna Horowitz:

And I think the thought that I want to leave you

Daphna Horowitz:

our listeners with is not what's better, introvert, extrovert,

Daphna Horowitz:

or, How do I become more of an extrovert if I'm an introvert?

Daphna Horowitz:

Or how do I become more of an introvert if I'm an expert

Daphna Horowitz:

extrovert? But rather, how do each of of the ends of the

Daphna Horowitz:

continuum? Let's just say, how do we use our strength, instead

Daphna Horowitz:

of just trying to fit in, find your strengths within your

Daphna Horowitz:

preference and see how you leverage those to really be at

Daphna Horowitz:

your best, instead of trying to fit in to what you think the

Daphna Horowitz:

world is expecting of you. Excellent.

Amy Riley:

I think that's a great question to end on. Thank

Amy Riley:

you my introverted friend.

Daphna Horowitz:

Thank you my extroverted friend. And yes, if

Daphna Horowitz:

you enjoyed listening to this episode, please do share it with

Daphna Horowitz:

people you may think can benefit and leave us a review or a

Daphna Horowitz:

comment. We'd love to hear from you, and we'd love to hear about

Daphna Horowitz:

your ideas for more topics that you'd like to hear us talking

Daphna Horowitz:

about on unfiltered.

Amy Riley:

Stay courageous. Stay unfiltered.

Daphna Horowitz:

That's a wrap on this episode of unfiltered,

Daphna Horowitz:

where we have courageous conversations about topics that

Daphna Horowitz:

are not often discussed in depth. We hope this conversation

Daphna Horowitz:

sparked something in you, whether it's a new perspective,

Daphna Horowitz:

a moment of reflection, or just the reassurance that you're not

Daphna Horowitz:

alone.

Amy Riley:

If you found this episode meaningful, please share

Amy Riley:

it with someone who needs to hear it, and if you have a topic

Amy Riley:

that you'd love for us to tackle, let us know we are

Amy Riley:

always up for conversations that don't get talked about enough.

Daphna Horowitz:

Don't forget to subscribe. Leave a review, and

Daphna Horowitz:

connect with us on LinkedIn. All our details are in the show

Daphna Horowitz:

notes, because the best conversations don't end here

Amy Riley:

until next time. Stay curious, stay courageous and

Amy Riley:

stay unfiltered.